The More I Know
I've been ruminating this afternoon about some of the completely foolish things I've done in my life, specifically my working life. Don't ask me what brought this about, I have no idea. I'm actually trying to work through some problems on a new story/screenplay I'm working on, but the brain does what it will.
Specifically, one instance came to mind. I was working at a grocery store as a slave/stock clerk. Much younger than I am now, and believe it or not, somewhat more outspoken. Well maybe not more, I just lacked the willingness to occasionally shut my gob.
Anyhow, I'm a thin fellow (alarmingly some have called it). For some reason it was quite the topic among the cashiers and some of the supervisors. God knows why, but everything else there was a soap opera, so why not my lack of heftiness. A friend of mine with a similar sense of humour to me decided to have some fun with the gossips.
Very tearfully, she told them that I couldn't help it... because of my 'problem'. She never said as much, but did her best not to burst out laughing while subtly indicating that my 'problem' was hardcore heroin addiction.
She relayed this to me later (which explained some of the strange reactions I'd gotten at work that day). I was appalled (sort of). I've never done anything like that, but the chance to mess with the brain dead gossips was too good to pass up. Nothing ticks me off more than people gossiping about me, let alone trying to insinuate themsleves into my 'bidness'.
So... I gave them fodder for their discussions. I'd start scratching the backs of my knees and ankles when I knew they were watching. I'd go on break and come back high energy. It was pretty amusing for a couple of weeks, truth be told.
The crowning achievement was when my supervisor approached me, and very tentatively asked me about taking a drug test.
"I'll take a drug test if you take an IQ test. I'm clean, but I bet I'll still score higher than you," I replied.
Those who knew me there knew it was a patently ridiculous request. I was one of the few people who was always at work, worked hard, never came to work stinking of booze... I hated the job mind you, but never let it show.
With all the rampant employee theft that was going on there at the time (and presumably still), the harassment, and some of the most open and well known 'secrets', I've ever heard about, I guess I found it surprising that I was the problem.
But then again, I guess I was the easiest problem to solve. I didn't have any friends in upper management, I was at the bottom of the food chain, and my 'problem' was the freshest gossip.
And fresh gossip is low hanging fruit.
So, lesson learned. Don't fake a heroin addiction at work. I think I'm going to contact NBC and see if I can get that gem made into a 'The More you Know' moment. Robert Downey Jr could do it, I think he'd be great!
Specifically, one instance came to mind. I was working at a grocery store as a slave/stock clerk. Much younger than I am now, and believe it or not, somewhat more outspoken. Well maybe not more, I just lacked the willingness to occasionally shut my gob.
Anyhow, I'm a thin fellow (alarmingly some have called it). For some reason it was quite the topic among the cashiers and some of the supervisors. God knows why, but everything else there was a soap opera, so why not my lack of heftiness. A friend of mine with a similar sense of humour to me decided to have some fun with the gossips.
Very tearfully, she told them that I couldn't help it... because of my 'problem'. She never said as much, but did her best not to burst out laughing while subtly indicating that my 'problem' was hardcore heroin addiction.
She relayed this to me later (which explained some of the strange reactions I'd gotten at work that day). I was appalled (sort of). I've never done anything like that, but the chance to mess with the brain dead gossips was too good to pass up. Nothing ticks me off more than people gossiping about me, let alone trying to insinuate themsleves into my 'bidness'.
So... I gave them fodder for their discussions. I'd start scratching the backs of my knees and ankles when I knew they were watching. I'd go on break and come back high energy. It was pretty amusing for a couple of weeks, truth be told.
The crowning achievement was when my supervisor approached me, and very tentatively asked me about taking a drug test.
"I'll take a drug test if you take an IQ test. I'm clean, but I bet I'll still score higher than you," I replied.
Those who knew me there knew it was a patently ridiculous request. I was one of the few people who was always at work, worked hard, never came to work stinking of booze... I hated the job mind you, but never let it show.
With all the rampant employee theft that was going on there at the time (and presumably still), the harassment, and some of the most open and well known 'secrets', I've ever heard about, I guess I found it surprising that I was the problem.
But then again, I guess I was the easiest problem to solve. I didn't have any friends in upper management, I was at the bottom of the food chain, and my 'problem' was the freshest gossip.
And fresh gossip is low hanging fruit.
So, lesson learned. Don't fake a heroin addiction at work. I think I'm going to contact NBC and see if I can get that gem made into a 'The More you Know' moment. Robert Downey Jr could do it, I think he'd be great!
posted by Surly Canuck at 1:03 p.m.
2 Comments:
The worst thing I ever did was take an IQ test. It's one thing thinking you're smarter than the idiots you work with and for... It's another thing knowing it... haha.
Sound, sound advice. Right up there with, "Don't make jokes about bombs when going through airport security." :)
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