Nasty Sod
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An example you say? You won't just take my word on it?
Alright then.
There was a tremendously tall lad in my class in primary school. We'll call him Oval Head, because that's what we called him as he had one. At the tender age of 10, O.H. was already over six feet tall.
Our teacher had the brilliant idea of setting up our desks in clusters of four. O.H. had the desk facing mine.
"Hey OvalHead, get your boat feet out from under my desk."
"Shut up pipsqueak. Your feet don't even touch the floor."
"Articulate for a dumbass aren't you?"
"Shut up!"
"Go fuck yourself Oval Douche!"
We were nothing if not original. I won most of these exchanges at this age because I was the only one who would pull out the forbidden words.
This went on for a few days, with O.H. getting to the point where he'd slouch down in his chair in order to kick my legs under the desk.
"You do that again, and I'm going to stab you in the foot." My bounds of tolerance had been reached. That and my shins were bruised beyond belief.
"No you won't pipsqueak," he sneered. Watching someone with an ovular (am I using that right?) shaped head sneer is hardly intimidating.
So, I got ready. I surreptitiously took out my math set, and readied my protractor. He drew back to kick me again, and I set my weapon in place.
His scream of pain got the teacher's attention. Of course, he couldn't tell her what happened, as she'd already given us shit for carrying on. It was also French class, and he couldn't figure out how to say protractor in French.
I put the protractor back in my math set, noting with sick satisfaction the blood on the pick. I guess the top inch had gone into his foot.
Never mess with a nasty sod with a protractor and the will to use it.
An example you say? You won't just take my word on it?
Alright then.
There was a tremendously tall lad in my class in primary school. We'll call him Oval Head, because that's what we called him as he had one. At the tender age of 10, O.H. was already over six feet tall.
Our teacher had the brilliant idea of setting up our desks in clusters of four. O.H. had the desk facing mine.
"Hey OvalHead, get your boat feet out from under my desk."
"Shut up pipsqueak. Your feet don't even touch the floor."
"Articulate for a dumbass aren't you?"
"Shut up!"
"Go fuck yourself Oval Douche!"
We were nothing if not original. I won most of these exchanges at this age because I was the only one who would pull out the forbidden words.
This went on for a few days, with O.H. getting to the point where he'd slouch down in his chair in order to kick my legs under the desk.
"You do that again, and I'm going to stab you in the foot." My bounds of tolerance had been reached. That and my shins were bruised beyond belief.
"No you won't pipsqueak," he sneered. Watching someone with an ovular (am I using that right?) shaped head sneer is hardly intimidating.
So, I got ready. I surreptitiously took out my math set, and readied my protractor. He drew back to kick me again, and I set my weapon in place.
His scream of pain got the teacher's attention. Of course, he couldn't tell her what happened, as she'd already given us shit for carrying on. It was also French class, and he couldn't figure out how to say protractor in French.
I put the protractor back in my math set, noting with sick satisfaction the blood on the pick. I guess the top inch had gone into his foot.
Never mess with a nasty sod with a protractor and the will to use it.
posted by Surly Canuck at 2:42 p.m.
6 Comments:
Although this was a very amusing post, I don't think you attacked OH with a protractor.
A protractor is a semi circle of plastic that measures angles.
I think you meant compass, the instrument that allows you to draw circles and has one very pointy end.
Sorry... I had to :)
I found that story very inspiring, given the day I had at work today. I think I will dig out my compass and bring it with me as my weapon of choice tomorrow.
Damn my math ignorance! Jenn you are absolutely right... it was a compass not a protractor.
Jebus! After I spent all that time making sure I was spelling protractor right...
Sheesh.
Or perhaps you meant a chainsaw, the instrument that allows you to cut down trees and, while it does not have any "pointy" ends, per se, it has in the past proven quite sufficient for warding off persons with ovoid craniums.
Ovular, incidentally, refers to ova, or reproductive cells.
Apparently ignorance thy name is Vagabond
There was a similar bloke who sat behind me in eighth grade math. Apparently his singular obsession was the perforation of my back with pencil lead. For variety he would do change-up and hammer the top vertebrae in my neck with his knuckles.
My next-door neighbor was a Golden Gloves boxing champ in our county. I explained the sitch to him, he beat the hell out of the miserable wretch and I had no further problems. Although I did brandish my own compass at him a time or two. He thought it was cute. :)
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