I don't have TB
I took advantage of having all this free time by going to the doctor for the first time in at least 10 years (not counting trips to the ER). I got bloodwork, xrays and so on done, and the GP decided that it would be a good idea if he sent me to a lung specialist. Apparently he could here and see some scarring in my lungs. He told me there were two common causes of this; having had a lung collapse in the past, or having had tuberculosis.
Well, says I, I've had a lung collapse, so that's probably it. But in the interest of humouring him (and helping him get a new boat for Christmas) off I trot to the lung guy.
He makes me do a bunch of tests, including breathing through a plastic tube with a big rubber end bit clamped between my teeth, holding my breath in said contraption, panting until I almost pass out in said contraption, and then sealing me in a small air tight chamber to do it all over again. And the highlight of this was the Romanian lab tech who was shouting instructions at me as to when to do any of these things.
Then I see the lung doc again. He asks me if I've spent any time on a farm, reservation, huffing asbestos, using intravenous drugs, participating in high risk behaviour, car surfing, attending law school, climbing hotel balconies, or auditioning for beer commercials. (I've only done 3 of those) He also asks if I've ever smoked. Now, it's not common knowledge, but I was on the sticks for a time, but haven't been for over 5 years.
And then he tells me he thinks I might have TB. Because, apparently that's one of the causes of scarred lung tissue. I told him I had a collapsed lung. He said he needed more tests to be sure. Now, I'm no doctor, but if a patient has scarring on their lungs that can be caused by one of two things, and the patient admits to having had one of those two causes, shouldn't by process of elimination we be able to determine what's caused the scarring? Maybe that's why I'm not a doctor. Afflicted with too much sense. But I guess lung specialists want new boats for Christmas too.
So, more tests, blah blah blah, and believe it or not, I don't have TB. I have something else, which caused the lung collapse oh so many years ago. This syndrome apparently precludes me from ever smoking again, or ever taking up scuba diving, as it could cause "Irreperable Damage"™
So no more smoking or seeing doctors for me. I've done my good deed and secured two Christmas boats.
Well, says I, I've had a lung collapse, so that's probably it. But in the interest of humouring him (and helping him get a new boat for Christmas) off I trot to the lung guy.
He makes me do a bunch of tests, including breathing through a plastic tube with a big rubber end bit clamped between my teeth, holding my breath in said contraption, panting until I almost pass out in said contraption, and then sealing me in a small air tight chamber to do it all over again. And the highlight of this was the Romanian lab tech who was shouting instructions at me as to when to do any of these things.
Then I see the lung doc again. He asks me if I've spent any time on a farm, reservation, huffing asbestos, using intravenous drugs, participating in high risk behaviour, car surfing, attending law school, climbing hotel balconies, or auditioning for beer commercials. (I've only done 3 of those) He also asks if I've ever smoked. Now, it's not common knowledge, but I was on the sticks for a time, but haven't been for over 5 years.
And then he tells me he thinks I might have TB. Because, apparently that's one of the causes of scarred lung tissue. I told him I had a collapsed lung. He said he needed more tests to be sure. Now, I'm no doctor, but if a patient has scarring on their lungs that can be caused by one of two things, and the patient admits to having had one of those two causes, shouldn't by process of elimination we be able to determine what's caused the scarring? Maybe that's why I'm not a doctor. Afflicted with too much sense. But I guess lung specialists want new boats for Christmas too.
So, more tests, blah blah blah, and believe it or not, I don't have TB. I have something else, which caused the lung collapse oh so many years ago. This syndrome apparently precludes me from ever smoking again, or ever taking up scuba diving, as it could cause "Irreperable Damage"™
So no more smoking or seeing doctors for me. I've done my good deed and secured two Christmas boats.
posted by Surly Canuck at 12:57 p.m.
4 Comments:
I suggest puncturing the doctors lung, then asking him if it looks like what you had.
Count yourself lucky that you were able to get into see a doctor. The last time I went to one, I was humouring my wife becuase I had dry skin. Anyway, called the old family doctor that I hadn't been to in 10 years or so, receptionist booked me in.
The doc, of course, had no recognition who I was. He then told me my file had been purged because it had been so long, and that the receptionist made a mistake by booking me an appointment.
Can you guess when the next time I go to the doctor will be? Probably just before I die.
wow! You can Van are two peas in a pod - go to the doctor and they basically try to keep and kill you! Sheesh!!
I also agree with anonymouscoworker. I can see you enjoying that scenario very much!
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