Tens (The Why I'm Going to Hell Edition)
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned."
"How long has it been since your last confession my son?"
"Kee-riced, you're a nosy little bastard aren't you? That's none of your GD business."
Pause
"Apparently a while"
And without further ado, here's the top ten reasons I'm going to hell (assuming I still believed in such a place, and using the Catholics of Queensbury rules)
10. That time I lost my temper and punched my friend Scotty in the jewels so hard that he's half a karat shorter than the rest of us.
9. I take the Lord's name in vain. A lot. At least once an hour. In fact, if it weren't for swearing, I don't think I'd ever say His name at all.
8. I've coveted. Oh, how I've coveted.
7. I've had impure thoughts about Liv Tyler and Jennifer Garner, and doing things that would make Caligula blush.
6. I've been so very slothful...
5. I've been an agent of Satan, though my role was largely ceremonial.
4. This list.
3. Making my grade 8 French teacher Mr. Turcotte cry.
2. Oh, the coveting, with the lusting and sinning!
1. Living in sin with Gal and loving it!
"How long has it been since your last confession my son?"
"Kee-riced, you're a nosy little bastard aren't you? That's none of your GD business."
Pause
"Apparently a while"
And without further ado, here's the top ten reasons I'm going to hell (assuming I still believed in such a place, and using the Catholics of Queensbury rules)
10. That time I lost my temper and punched my friend Scotty in the jewels so hard that he's half a karat shorter than the rest of us.
9. I take the Lord's name in vain. A lot. At least once an hour. In fact, if it weren't for swearing, I don't think I'd ever say His name at all.
8. I've coveted. Oh, how I've coveted.
7. I've had impure thoughts about Liv Tyler and Jennifer Garner, and doing things that would make Caligula blush.
6. I've been so very slothful...
5. I've been an agent of Satan, though my role was largely ceremonial.
4. This list.
3. Making my grade 8 French teacher Mr. Turcotte cry.
2. Oh, the coveting, with the lusting and sinning!
1. Living in sin with Gal and loving it!
posted by Surly Canuck at 2:52 p.m.
4 Comments:
Look at it this way: At least when you took the Lord's name in vain in the dialogue it was misspelled. (Kee-riced vs. Christ) Who knows? That might count for something. Anyhow, if you show up to the gate at the same time as I do, he'll be distracted anyway, by denying ME entrance as well.
I stumbled upon your blog by accident, and enjoyed reading it.
I have a feeling hell isn't so bad once you get used to all the Bermuda shorts with socks and sandals.
#6 is my personal favorite. All hail slothdom! (or slothness? slothanimity?)
Chilli - it's gonna be a crowded trip.
mrsramsay - mispelling was based more on phonetic emphasis than how I should spell it. e.g. - Sweet bald headed Jesus is spelt correctly. Glad you like the blog.
G - True... but after the 65th refrain of Tiny Bubbles I think I'd lose it.
Jesster - Isn't sloth the best? I swear, I could sleep for an entire week for no reason at all.
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